Kitsokoy's: istragol talaga.

I’ve been a fulltime worker since 2004. (the batch who started it all). Like anybody else, I also have my own fair share of lamentations;

To tell you honestly, if the training back then was asstrict as it is nowadays, I wouldn’t be here. During my training I am one of those “bench warmers” well, if not the water boy. They say I am too silent and deep, too deep that it covered the whole me six feet under. For some, I am left behind so to speak.

I actively served YFC then eventually went fulltime because I deeply loved, and still love, the Lord Jesus Christ. However, over the years that Love for the Lord had faded as the primary motivation. In my first two years as a missionary, I wanted to be recognized in everything that I’ve done, I am doing and will do. Much of my striving merely fueled my insatiable need for affirmation. But no matter how much I tried, I still feel that I’m unnoticed, unappreciated and invisible at that.

Knowing that I am not what they perceive of me, I wanted to prove that I can be as efficient as any of them. The idea was great but there has been a slight error as to how am I going to achieve it. I decided to change my image. I thought of becoming like kuya JQ the guy with sense of humor (lots of it) and make everybody laugh, however, until now I only got the sense and not the humor but at least I’m half way there. I thought of becoming like Amid the dancer, singer, rocker and everything with er sa dulo… fasionista, artista at lahat ng ta. I thought of becoming like Eggay who designs insanely but all I can do is open the photoshop. I thought of becoming like Gelo the ever passionate speaker of the house. I thought of becoming Billy and Blair na kinakain lang ang computer. But every time I tried to become like any of them, I failed… As what Amid said in one of the FTWs gathering; “if you wanted to be cool but just can’t get there, if you wanted to have a good haircut but it just don’t fit you, this planner is for you”, I know He’s talking to me. Perhaps I need the iskool planner dude. (ano na pala nangayari sa iskool planner plan? hahah)

It was the time when I decided to leave fulltime work that realizations poured in.

Who we are right now is a product of years and years of ups and downs (though a lot of us mas madami ang down ha ha) and experiences. Experiences, which God used to mold us to the person that He wants us to be. I am a work in progress, we all are. The series of fortunate and unfortunate events that we’ve been through and the lessons coupled with it, are exactly the lessons that we need to look-out in this life time. Let us just thank the Lord he allowed us to be part of each others journey.

As for me, I was just affirmed that I need not to be somebody am not. Being who I am is perfectly ok. No matter what others will say (with or without their appreciation), I am not less than a missionary, I am not less than HIS son.

I may not get the applause here on earth, aint going to get any recognition with what I’ve done, and years from now my name will be unknown but even with that, I will continue to do these things with enthusiasm and finish this race with high spirit. For perhaps my works will be forgotten by men but not by God. That’s definite, that’s certain, and that is what matters most.

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Medjo malabo at kung saan saan mapunta ang thought ng blog ko na ito... kung ano ano kasi pumapasok sa utak ko habang nagsusulat ahahahah but bahala na, intindinhin nyo nalang ahahahah

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lastly, Allow me to honor my batch mates who work very hard in “solitude” and speaks only when necessary. If you feel like you’ve contributed it all and still feels it’s