disappointed?

I saw it coming but somehow it caught me unprepared.

A simple yet meaningful sorry would suffice and will help all of us move on quickly, but they started by explaining why they did the things they knew they shouldn’t be doing. And that is just sad.

In times like these, the worst thing one person can do is reason out. Why? It is simply because reasoning negates and cancels the validity and sincerity of saying sorry. You are trying to make your listeners rationalize hence making them more logical than compassionate. And true enough, because I (along with two others) found flaws and loop holes in their stories, I wasn’t forgiving when they finally said sorry.

So even with the preparation and prayers, I still felt bad. I was dismayed by the conversation and that was one thing I wasn’t able to and can’t hide.

Just when you think you know people, they disappoint you in ways you never thought they could.

Am I Mad? Yes. Sad? Definitely.

But why?

Feeling what you feel is one thing, knowing why, is another. So I resolve to writing reasons why I should feel the way I feel. But all those reasoning lead me to the same question: Why?

Answer came in one night through a simple conversation with a friend. A realization that I found hard to admit, a reality I would rather just ignore.

The truth is: I can see myself in them. It’s like a mirror. I know the feeling but I also know where it is heading.  They are a painful reminder of the things I’ve done before, a picture of the past that I have been trying to correct. I am mad not just because of what they did but more so because of the fact that I wasn’t able to correct myself when I was in that same position.

While we are so fond of ourselves, we easily get offended with others. Let us be persuaded that nothing is due to us thus nothing will upset us. Let us often think of our own infirmities, and we shall become indulgent towards those of others.

Realizing that, I felt sorry for myself more than for them. I became more understanding. A change of heart if you may. A call to be more compassionate than to be right.

Of course, things will never be the same. Just like any wound, there will always be a scar. But if we’ll only use that scar to remind us of the lessons we’ve learned rather than the pain it caused, it will not just make things a lot easier, it's actually one step closer towards Christ, a better us.

I know time will come that all of us will get over this, friends reunited, relationships restored, but until then, may we learn to

Live our lives with compassion,

Laugh more often and

Love unconditionally.