I am where I am right now solely because of the things that I can do. I am good and that I am needed. Because I am a missionary, I have pleased God through the things that I do. Or so I thought.
While it is true that I am where I am because of what I can do that God can use, the problem came in when I became too proud of it, when I focused on what I can do and on how I do it instead of why and to whom am I doing it for.
If perfection and holiness will be the basis, I am not qualified to be here. Yes I have resolved to pursue holiness but there are still times when I indulge myself into the pleasures the world can offer. If efficiency and excellence will be the standard to satisfy God, I have fallen short a hundred times. Yes there were moments that I gave my all but I can’t deny instances when I settled for mediocrity.
And so I am left with nothing but a broken heart and spirit, but let me offer these to you. My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit; God, do not spurn a broken, humbled heart.
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“Lord, turn away your face from my sins; blot out all my guilt. Do not drive me from your presence, nor take me your holy spirit. Restore my joy in your salvation; sustain in me a willing spirit. Change my heart, o God. And fill my heart with joy as I bring your salvation. Amen.”
the story behind #lamentations
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